I Got Stoned Again.

Over the weekend my kidney stone started bothering me again, and the pain got so bad I had to go to the emergency room. I couldn't keep anything down, not even pain medicine, so I had to get an I.V. After a scan they told me there is also a second stone in addition to the first one that's been bothering me. They are mostly likely going to have to be removed by surgery. I meet with a specialist this week.

This is definitely NOT what I need.

The thing that really bothers me, is that there's a certain wealthy attorney in this town who molests boy scouts, perjures himself before the leaders of his church, gets caught by the cops doing "stuff" in a public restroom, causes tons of bad publicity for said church, along with the loss of faith of many people, yet he still has his practice and he lives in a nice house on the north side of town. He doesn't have to deal with the pain and steep financial cost of things like kidney stones. He doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night, shivering in terror worried about how he's going to support his children or fix the run down trailer he lives in.

THAT is what bothers me.

It's All Going To End!

First, the bad news: Researchers say that eventually the Sun is going to expand [link] to be so large that it will overtake and burn away the Earth and the Moon (that is, if the Moon doesn't crumble to pieces under the increased gravitational strain before then).

Then, the good news: Researchers say that all of this will happen approximately 5 billion years from now, give or take a millenia or two.

What does all of that mean? Well, it means that 5 billion years from now when the earth is destroyed (according to scientists), I'll be long dead and all of the problems I worry about today will be ancient history! It means that there is nothing so important today that it's going to effect the sun cycle, and there will be a point in time when all problems will have passed, so I will no longer have to worry about them any more!

On a much rosier note, if you have a testimony of The Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, you know that by then we will all have been assigned our individual eternal glories according to our works, and we will all be enjoying "peace that passeth all understanding."

I thank my Heavenly Father for His love for us, and for His peace that he grants us when all is troubled.

Pie In The Sky, Part 2

Yesterday's post was the result of a particularly bad day. Things are better now.

I still grumble "where's the beef!" but deep at the core of my being I know there are just some things we have to do, for which we are not going to see results immediately, possibly not even until the here-after. People often tell me that, and I hate hearing it. They're right, of course, but I dislike being patronized.

Often when I continuously chew over that old boot leather question in my mind, The Holy Spirit reminds me of my seminary scripture verses.

D&C 58: 3

3 Ye cannot behold with your natural ^aeyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the ^bglory which shall follow after much tribulation.

D&C 64
32 But all things must come to pass in their time.

33 Wherefore, be not ^aweary in ^bwell-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of ^csmall things proceedeth that which is great.

34 Behold, the Lord ^arequireth the ^bheart and a ^cwilling mind; and the willing and ^dobedient shall ^eeat the good of the land of Zion in these last days."

Acceptance is a principle I have the hardest time with. I know that ultimately it will bring me the peace I seek, but practicing it is a totally different animal altogether.

Show Me The Money, Baby....

I'm one of those kinds of people who refuse to waste time and effort on things that show no visible, concrete evidence of having any type of payoff. That trait has been a weakness for me at times, yet it has also saved me from unnecessary aggravation, anguish, and/or harm at other times as well.

Today is one of those days when I look back on many of the things I accomplished only after I really, really struggled very hard to get them done, where I have yet at age 41 to see little if any pay-off. I anguish over the question: why did I even bother make the effort to do these things? What was my time, considerable effort, and often anguish, worth? What was it worth? What was it all for?

I love the church, I truly do, but so often I despair over the utter lack of ability anyone there has to answer any of my questions, aside from the usual patronizing homilies they've told me thousands of times before. People at church often judge me as being doubtful, faithless, undedicated, uncommitted, blasphemous, and apostate because I can't accept their over- simplified pie-in-the-sky explanations for things.

I Got "Stoned" Today.

Today I found out the hard way that I have another kidney stone. It started bothering me this morning. As usual with these things, the pain became excruciating and I vomited profusely. I went to the ER, and they did a scan. They said it was 2.5 millimeters, and they believed it should pass through in a couple of days.

It's hard to imagine that something so small can hurt so intensely. I guess that's the kind of philosophic principle Jesus was referring to when he spoke of The Mustard Seed.

Is That A "Yes" Or A "Head Bobble?"

I have a confession to make. All throughout my teen years as an Aaronic Priesthood holder, when my fellow compatriots were out getting themselves into all sorts of trouble, I spent many hours by myself in my room alone listening to music. I worked long and hard to be diligent and obedient in the Priesthood. There was one thing that was my downfall, and it was hot music.

I remember having gone to a Van Halen concert one Saturday, and the next morning on Sunday the Priest's advisor chastised me for not being a proper example for the rest of the boys. I remember thinking to myself "if those losers want to be punks, that's their choice, and not my responsibility. Don't blame me."

When I became an Elder and a full time Missionary, they gave me even more flack about it. Yes, I was a rebel -- I had a clandestine stash of tunes and a walkman. Sinful, sinful. Blasphemous, they said. It gave the Mission President fits.

Now, I'm a Temple-married father of four, packing a couple extra pounds, pushing 41, watching my blood pressure, and taking mood-meds to deal with all the guilt trips, mind games, brainwashing, and crap those people played on me. I still listen to my music.

My nerves no longer allow me to tolerate heavy metal like I used to, but I've found an entirely new love -- dance mixes, electronica, "club trop," and "high-NRG." Stuff you'd hear at Studio 54 and similar places. Stuff I can bounce to.

I was watching some videos on Yahoo! Launch this evening. My wife (K) asked me if I particularly enjoyed music by Simply Red, a retro artist from '80s club music that I didn't used to like, but now I do. I was bouncing up and down, moving my head to the beat of the video.

"Is that a 'Yes' or a 'head-bobble'?" she asked, growing impatient when I didn't answer for having been lost in the music.

"Both," I replied.

(HEAVEN -- D.J. SAMMY)

Pharisees.

Here's a nice little picture of a Pharisee I found somewhere on the internet.

I'll admit I have my faults and I make many mistakes, but if there's one thing that will really torque me off to no end, it's people who hassle me and badger me over my faults while they are totally blind to their own, often much larger faults.

Let's just say that lately I've had to deal with people like that. I'm really hacked-off about it, too.

Nevertheless, I know I must leave all things in God's hands, and let Him judge. All I can say is that the very same standards of judgement that has been passed upon me lately, are someday going to be applied to those who judge me.

Even now these persons complain to me about conditions in their own life which are the result of their own faulty choices and mistakes, yet they don't see the connection to the very same things they judge me for.

I just smile. God sees.